Vulnerability & Self Awareness

Recently, I had the pleasure of doing a speech at the very first Paseda360 National Coaching Awards!

It was my first public speaking event, and I was exceptionally nervous. If the truth be known, I hate being the centre of attention and having people looking at me. I have been uncomfortable with that since my early teens.

I have battled on and off with being overweight since my early teens and somehow throughout that time I connected my weight with self-worth and self-value.

My thoughts around my weight have often led me to shy away from putting myself out there and doing things that mean people might notice me or photos might be taken. Shying away from activities that I would have loved to participate in in case I was somehow embarrassed because of my size or something not fitting me.

The feelings around it are a mixture of shame and guilt all in one. Shame that I can’t seem to manage this simple thing and do better and guilt because I know that I deserve better and that often the people around me who are close to me suffer because I can’t manage my weight.

I feel confident talking about it with you all today because over the last year I have been on a journey of really trying to understand my difficulties, my behaviours and what makes me think the way I do. Its a journey, I don't always get it right, but the most important thing is that I am learning more and more about myself. I am more aware than ever of the thoughts that creep in especially when you don't expect them. Being self aware has been the gift I have received from allowing myself to sit in the discomfort and truly trying to understand my emotions.